In the wake of the Boston Bombing, I want to go on record as saying that I agree with the multitudinous and thunderous liberal voices that are calling for mandatory criminal background checks for all those attempting to purchase pressure cookers and ball bearings. Additionally, I believe they are right that certain more sophisticated models of pressure cookers should be banned outright. After all, we must understand that there is no legitimate use for such models and that a small percentage of the population of twisted sickos might use them for evil purposes. If we take pressure cookers out of their hands, we will dramatically decrease the prevalence of evil and terrorist acts in the world. As we all know, people don’t kill people; pressure cookers kill people.
Let’s all call our Senators and Representatives and urge them to pass a ban on these evil instruments of violence. It won’t even be necessary to trample the constitution underfoot to pass such a ban, since the U.S. Constitution does not guarantee the right to bear pressure cookers. Let’s all push back against those ignorant country folks who cling to their pressure cookers and Bibles and do the right thing.